Something has been bugging me for a while about the current fixation on bullying, but I wasn’t able to put a finger on it until I saw the announcement for the “Million Muslim March”—thereafter renamed the “Million American March.”  The organizer of the event was basically stating that Muslims have been victimized as a result of 9/11, and demanding that the Government protect their rights.

[As far as I can tell, America has bent over backwards, to not victimize Muslims.  I have no doubt there have been incidents here and there, but I’m not aware of those things happening in society at large.  The FBI data shows that even in the aftermath of 9/11, Jewish hate crimes at 55.7% far surpassed Muslim hate crimes at 27.2%, and crimes against Muslims dropped precipitously in subsequent years.  But this post is not about Muslims or Islam.]

The thing that gets me is the victimization mentality underlying this bullying theme.  I don’t question that there are genuine abuses, but I am asking what the proper response is.  The current attempt to loudly denounce it, and pass legislation aimed at preventing it, is in my view a victim response—an unhealthy and unhelpful response.  Legislation is sometimes appropriate, but so is manning up.

I—perhaps simplistically—look at this just like any other difficulty in life.  If there’s a problem, how do we work through it?  How do we get over?  How do we become stronger?  How do we ask for help?  I’m not saying this is easy, particularly for kids growing up, but I do think those are the questions that an emotionally healthy person will ask or at least be willing to consider.

For people who are able to make peace with the past, and squarely turn and head into the future, I think that’s the best solution.  Build a bridge, as they say, and I don’t mean that flippantly.  For people who have a hard time forgiving or letting go, ask for help, but put your emphasis on how to break free and move on.  Forgiveness is an essential and amazingly powerful tool in this life.  For people who are presently and continually facing abusive situations, ask for help, and change your physical surroundings if you must.  If you ask for help and people don’t take you seriously, ask again.  And sign up for karate lessons or whatever is appropriate for your situation.  (I’m speaking from experience.)

We are usually not responsible for what that others do to us in life, but we are responsible for the ways we respond.  The same is true with cancer, being laid off, getting divorced, etc.  Do those things make our lives more difficult?  Yes.  Do they also give us an opportunity to become stronger and to overcome the difficulties?  Yes.  But that won’t begin as long as we remain trapped in victim mentality.  I say “trapped” because it really is a trap that we fall into, and sometimes we need to ask people to help pull us out.

If I’m walking along and I see somebody who has fallen into a hole, I’ll be happy to help them get out and get cleaned up.  But if the person is more interested in complaining about whoever pushed them in than about getting out, they won’t find me very receptive.  Yes, they may want to press charges, or face their offender and tell them the behavior was inappropriate, but the first order of business should be getting out of the hole and the mentality.  That will allow them to see more clearly, and to go on with life or address the problem, however they may choose.